By DAVID BROOKS
Published: January 12, 2009
William D. Eddy was an Episcopal minister in Tarrytown, N.Y., and an admirer of the writer and theologian Richard John Neuhaus. When Rev. Eddy grew gravely ill about 20 years ago, I asked Neuhaus to write him a letter of comfort.
I was shocked when I read it a few weeks later. As I recall, Neuhaus’s message was this: There are comforting things you and I have learned to say in circumstances such as these, but we don’t need those things between ourselves.
Neuhaus then went on to talk frankly and extensively about death. Those two men were in a separate fraternity and could talk directly about things the rest avoided.
Neuhaus was no stranger to death. As a young minister, he worked in the death ward at Kings County Hospital in Brooklyn, a giant room with 50 to 100 dying people in it, where he would accompany two or three to their deaths each day. One sufferer noticed an expression on Neuhaus’s face and said, “Oh, oh, don’t be afraid,” and then sagged back and expired.
Much later, Neuhaus endured his own near-death experience. An undiagnosed tumor led to a ruptured intestine and a series of operations. He recovered slowly, first in intensive care, and then in a regular hospital room, where something strange happened.
“I was sitting up staring intently into the darkness, although in fact I knew my body was lying flat,” he later wrote in an essay called “Born Toward Dying” in his magazine, First Things. “What I was staring at was a color like blue and purple, and vaguely in the form of hanging drapery. By the drapery were two ‘presences.’ I saw them and yet did not see them, and I cannot explain that ... .
“And then the presences — one or both of them, I do not know — spoke. This I heard clearly. Not in an ordinary way, for I cannot remember anything about the voice. But the message was beyond mistaking: ‘Everything is ready now.’ ” more
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Friday, January 2, 2009
New Year Resolutions: a good check-list to see how you are doing.
The best advice I gave myself in 2008
Sometimes, if I only listen, I find myself giving others the advice I need to take myself. As I review the posts I’ve written this year, here are my top 30 favorites and why:
Our relationship with ourselves
1.The only person who can take care of you. We often are so intent on our jobs, family, and external life activities that we forget to check in with the most important person in our lives-ourselves! Here is a good check-list to see how you are doing.
2. Learning to fall, all over again. This post explores why it is so hard to start over, to be a beginner again. I still don’t have all the answers, but I liked the comments of others with the same dilemma.
3. Walking the tightrope to find a balanced life. After taking care of myself, I start to look at how I relate to the outer world, as well. And that’s where balance comes in. This post looks at how we lose our balance and how we can regain it. Learning the fine art of balance can help us enjoy the complexity of everyday life.
4. Why we all could use a good time out. Even in frugal economic times, vacations and sabbaticals are absolutely necessary. Here’s why.
5. Sound is stressful. Silence can be a healing balm to stress and noise. Here is how to experience the healing quiet of no-sound.
6. 15 Great Ways to Beat the Blues. Sometimes you can joggle yourself out of a bad mood. I list some things that have worked for me.
7. How to pick a good counselor when you’re not really crazy. And sometimes you can’t do it yourself. I’ve been on two sides of this fence, both as client and as counselor. Here is what I’ve discovered to be true about therapy.
8. How to NOT think your way out of a mid-life crisis. Mid-life crises are like malaria. Just when you think you’ve conquered them, they swing by for another visit. In order to cope, try these strategies.
9. Your next 30 years. Everybody makes New Year’s resolutions. But these lists only last 365 days and then it’s time for a new batch. Expand your horizons. Look ahead for the next 30 years. What will your life plan be?
10. A quick two-minute fix for anxiety and stress. And going from the very long to the very short, try this very tiny stress management tool that actually works.
11 easy ways to get cranked with exercise. Taking care of ourselves sometimes starts with the basics. Take care of the body and it will take care of you. But how to start? The post explores 11 fundamentals of beating inertia.
12. Our uneasy relationship with fear. What do we deny feeling? Fear, anxiety, and unrest. Yet these are a part of our lives, each and every day. This post explores how we acquire fear and what we can do about this constant companion.
13. Honoring the experience of loss. Things do not last forever. Relationships end, jobs disappear, possessions decay. In honoring loss we make way for new beginnings in our lives.
14. 150 ways to be mindful in the next 24 hours. I really liked this post, not so much for the items I listed, but for the possibilities it creates for a fullness of life. Everyone’s experiences are different; if you follow this scenario, you’ll be surprised what you may discover about yours.
15. 3 things that will make you happier. Every now and then you come across some simple truths that can really improve quality of life. These can.
Our relationships with other people
16. The hardest relationship. Our connections with people are some of the most satisfying and and at the same time the most frustrating experiences in our life. But good friends are essential to a good life.
17. Can I trust you?. For some people trust is an all-or-none proposition. They trust a person, totally, until that person screws up and then they are dropped. Period. Without a second chance. This post explores the complexity of trust-how we can nurture it and how we can use it as an early signal of what is right with our lives.
18.Obliterate these 8 myths of fighting fair-and win! Even good relationships are not always sunny. Here are some tried-and-true ways I’ve found to deal with conflict.
19. The Power of 3: How to keep your relationship solid. And on the positive side, when the storm has passed, consider these three simple ways to make your relationship even stronger.
20. How to keep a relationship sweet: Secrets for staying together. Have you ever met a couple that have been together for years and years and STILL love each other madly, deeply, passionately? It can happen, and here is how.
Our relationships with the earth through voluntary simplicity
I always used to live 110% above my income. It worked for several decades, but the time has come to accept responsibility, pay off the debt, and be more frugal. Here are some of the epiphanies that have come from my decision to connect with the earth.
21. City Mouse, Country Mouse. My biggest adjustment this year was moving from the big city to a small town. It took some doing, but I finally can say I am starting to appreciate quiet country life.
22. What does your garbage say about you? How hard is it to take that recycle bag out of the trunk and carry it into the grocery store, for heaven’s sake? In this post I look at why we don’t do it, and how we can improve the odds that that we will next time.
23. Live simply, but be complex. I’ve struggled with javalinas eating my roses, pocket gophers devouring my daffodil bulbs. But this baby skunk munching on my peaches was just too much!
24. Reframing the red roof. I found to my surprise that dormitory life can be interesting at any stage of life.
25. Voluntary simplicity in a 272 channel television world. Three years ago I gave up TV. Here’s how I did it, and what I discovered about myself in the process.
26. Living the simple life is not always simple. Life has a way of tripping up even the best intentions. Here is how the Malls sucked me in, once again. No new lessons here, but I came out of the experience with a greater acceptance of human fallibility.
Our relationships with words
It’s a big, big world out there, and even fingers get tired of doing the walking. Here is a compilation of the best writing and Internet resources I’ve found.
27. Best quotation sources on the Internet. Out of the zillions and zillions of quote sites out there, these are the few that I found the most useful.
28. 25 ways to make your blog post sticky. I sat down and linked all the resources, good advice, plug-ins, and tips that have worked for me. It’s been one of my most popular posts this year.
29. This I know to be true: Journal writing 101. Cultivating the habit of daily journaling makes regular blog posting a lot easier. These ways I’ve found work the best for me.
30. Inspire me! 10 ways to nudge a reluctant genie. Still not inspired? Try these 10 ways to jump-start the writing process.
And one to grow on.
31. Save computer time by learning how a pigeon thinks. If you’ve ever been frustrated fighting with a recalcitrant computer, this post is for you.
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